Nassau and Exuma Bahamas Vacation

Once in a blue moon we get to sneak away for an adults only vacation. The stress of making sure our 7 kids were well taken care of, things at home were organized and everyone was situated was well worth the incredible bucket list checking escapade I am about to reveal to you.

For this trip, we knew we wanted a beach and we knew we wanted some adventure. The famous swimming pigs of the Bahamas were oinking our names and despite the recent supermodel butt pig biting attack and disturbing articles people sent us, we still felt the need to go. Can’t nobody hold us down. Oh no.

Thursday: Jeni, Nick and I flew out on in the morning on our non stop 3ish hour flight into Nassau. Where was Zach? OMG. A quick bulleted list of his travels below.

• Last minute found out he had a can’t miss work meeting at his Houston office.
• Planned to fly to Houston, do the meeting, meet us in Nassau.
• Enormous storms roll in that shut down DFW airport.
• Zach sits on runway for 3 hours before being let off the plane and told all flights were cancelled.
• Zach comes home to sleep for a bit.
• Never mind, as soon as Zach gets home at midnight he decides he will rent a car and drive to Houston that very minute.
• Only rental car places open are at airport.
• Back to airport to rent car.
• Never mind. He decides to drive his car to Houston and have his guys drive it back.
• Zach begins his middle of the night drive to Houston.
• Stops at Motel 6 for a snooze in Waco.
• Has trouble with his asthma and breathing during his 2 hour rest period at the $50 motel room.
• Packs up to leave, turns back around to make sure nothing is left in the room.
• A CAT FREAKING RUNS OUT FROM INSIDE HIS ROOM AND BOLTS OUT THE DOOR. A CAT. A STRAY CAT. IN HIS MOTEL 6 ROOM. ALL NIGHT. WITH HIM.
• Zach continues journey to Houston. Makes it, does the thing, gets on flight to Bahamas.
• Zach receives the news that his luggage will not make it and he must quickly shop the Miami airport before heading to Nassau.
• Finds a non Miami Heat logo swim suit in the nick of time and boards the plane.
• Arrives in Nassau in the middle of the night and I tell him the news that the alarm is set for 4 am and I am sorry he is only consistently getting 2 hours of sleep a night.

Back to Jeni, Nick and I…

I flew first class for the second time ever and loved it. The flight was easy and the direct flight option is the way to go if it’s available. Just know, there is always at least one highly irritating person in first class that makes their presence known. It has now happened on all three of my first class experiences. On the way there it was a very loud vibrato whistling man and his wife who would shuffle cards as loudly as one could possibly imagine while also trying to discuss her recent book she had finished at a decibel level that is only appropriate for never. On the way home it was a dude who entered the plane yelling at his bank, was rude to the flight attendant and yawned so obnoxiously about 35 times.

We landed, got our bags, our limo was waiting on us thanks to Mix and Match Travel Agency and their planning expertise! Seamless. Easy. Thank you. A short ride to the hotel with the color changing LED limo ceiling lights and feeling like we were headed to prom and we were ready to begin our vacay!

Check in at the Grand Hyatt Baha Mar took a while due to the long line, but nothing too ridiculous and we were off to see our rooms. The rooms were modern, stylish and comfy. Jeni and I of course noticed the amazing white chunky selfie mirror immediately.

We went and had a quick dinner at a restaurant by the pool that closed randomly at 6:45. It was ok. We ate it but agreed it was on Taco Bell level at best. Checking out the beach was next on the agenda and it was beautiful. I must add that Nick tripped on the stairs, a man told him he had too much to drink (he had one drink) and I giggled off and on about that for an hour.

We decided to go to my room and do some Peloton yoga and attempt some hip opening stretches to help our stiff traveling hips. Nick opted to watch some politically charged YouTube videos while Jeni and I yoga’d in approximately a 5 square foot area and then ate all the peanut m&ms in the mini bar. Sound like a dream vacation yet?! We were whipped and needed sleep to prepare for the huge day ahead.

Friday: Our alarms were set for 4am. We had to be at the domestic airport at 5 for our 7:00 flight from Nassau to Exuma. While I was planning our Exuma excursion day, (this is precisely why we will have Mix and Match Travel book future things for us like this) the laid back island dudes made it sound like they would pick us up in Nassau no problem. Communication errors were almost devastating, but a call to confirm they were even still in business and we were still booked for our boat charter was when they said, “Oh yeah, you need to book a quick 25 minute flight to Exuma on Western Air.” Oh ok. Ummmm. I guess we do that now then. Jeni got on the phone with this mysterious Western Air and got our flights figured out. Trust the professionals with your travel plans folks. We could have missed out on the best day ever!

We imagined this…

or this…

But turns out Western Air is a very reputable and safe company. :/

We made it safe and sound. It was an easy flight, very smooth and the only weird thing was they didn’t give a crap if you had on your seatbelt or not.

We were greeted by Brian, our captain from Aquaquest that would be showing us all around Exuma where he was born and raised. But first, rum! He took us to some local shops, I guess you could call them shops. There were posters galore advertising some type of viagra supplement and some liquor and other various products that looked to be stocked in 1998. We got some coconut rum, some dramamine, a straw hat, lays stax, some sunscreen, mixers and were ready to rumble!

Anton gave us some strict rules first.

We boarded our boat and took off into what would be one of the most memorable days of our life!

We hadn’t been driving but for about a minute, when Calvin (the co captain? first mate? skipper? deck hand? assistant?) ripped off his shirt, dove into the ocean and emerged with a sea star. He brought two of them to us on the boat and we got to hold them and it was pretty cool.

Onward we went, and our first stop was Iguana Bay. The beach was beautiful, the iguanas were hungry and plentiful and Jeni and I held it together and fearlessly fed them unlike our chameleon experience you may have caught on Instagram stories. Shameful.

Thank you iguanas. Next.

They took us to the most interesting cave thing. They have it listed as the Calming Cave on their website. Calming it was. And how cute are the angel wings that formed?

After a little cave exploration, we cruised on so the guys could snorkel at the Mermaid Playing Piano underwater sculpture.

On the way there we saw Tim McGraw and Faith Hill’s private island. Oooooooh. Aaaaaaah.

From there, we went to go see some sea turtles in their natural habitat.

This turtle whisperer, busted open a conch and ate the wiggly, gross, noodle-looking innards. Then he strung the meat on what looked like an unraveled coat hanger and banged on the shell with a hammer to alert his turtle friends that he was ready for some fun.

We skipped down this dock like all the normal people do as they gleefully anticipate their swimming pig adventure.

The rum was flowing, Bruno Mars was blasting and then the playlist took a turn for Kenny Rogers and various other songs like this…

So we went with it and a few minutes later we pulled up on what we had all been waiting for…

We had been warned and read all about the cons of the pig swimming experience. We knew they could be aggressive, they could bite, they would be sunburned and smelly, there would be poop floating all in the water, they would have huge testicles, etc. Y’all! The pigs were great and we did not have one single problem or see any of these gross things we were told about. It was a once in a lifetime experience and we had the BEST TIME!

The guides tell you to feed the pigs from the boat, if you bring your food on land, the pigs can get crazy and that is where the problems arise. They also let us in on a little trick. If you don’t want the pigs close to you, just raise your hands, they know you don’t have food and will turn around.

Here they come!

We all hopped out of the boat and went to hang out with the piggies!

Jeni went and legit pulled a piglet off it’s mom’s teat to get a picture with it and hold it. I was concerned the hog would come after her, she did not even look our direction. We get it mama pig, we’ve been there. Also please note the large pig in the background jumping out of the water for food.

You can see our hands up in the bottom right pic, that was all it took to get the pigs to move on.

Adios bacon buddies! We highly recommend doing this and the sandbar we went to, they were our top two spots of the day!

I probably said, “I can not get over this water.” 50 times. I stand by that statement.

We needed more time here. We needed a lifetime here. We need to go back here some day and set up shop with a picnic. If you ever have this sandbar opportunity, take it, we were in awe.

Ok the sharks. We really wanted a picture of us floating on our backs amidst the sharks. We also thought there was about a 3-4% chance this would happen. We started off not even really wanting to get in the water at all because…

But, we moseyed in and were all…

Ok, I’m fine with this shot, let’s get out now please. Look at my face.

But then, in a boost of confidence and bravery, we went for it. Floating on our backs while our captain threw bait all around us, we could feel sharks bumping up underneath us. We couldn’t wait to see the shot.

WTH. There were a series of about 20 shots just like this. This is not what we had in mind. Nerrrrp. Fail. Redo. Back in the water, float again, shark swarm again, was it worth it???

YES!

We ended the day at the Fyre Festival swings. After watching the documentaries we were all very intrigued with all things Fyre Festival. Watching Jeni’s Abraham Lincoln arms try with all of their might to get her on the swing was a good laugh. I flung myself on and bruised my legs in the process. Nick came out to hoist Jeni on there because my elementary school hands held together in a boosting shape technique did not help. Hot mess express, Choo Choo, all aboard.

Our adventure concluded with an easy Western Air flight back to Nassau and 4 very exhausted and hungry travelers. We also came back to many DMs asking why we had on so many swimsuits. ha! In short, we needed lots of cute pics for a swimsuit blog, you can see the details to everything we wore here.

We came. We saw. We Exuma’d. Hard.

Next week, I will share the second half of our vacation!