We thought you’d never ask – part 3

What are your struggles in motherhood? Sometimes bloggers make it seem easy...

JM: I have a lot, so how much time do you have?! Kidding of course but there is nothing like motherhood to bring out all of your insecurities. Mommy guilt is a very real thing for me and a constant struggle. Many days I worry that I haven’t connected with my children enough…I should’ve read that bedtime story they were wanting instead of being frustrated that they weren’t in bed on time, etc. As a mom of three it’s hard to divide my time equally, especially when you have a needy toddler who demands it. Add in the fact that my older two are away at their dad’s house half of time and that takes the mommy guilt to another level. However, this makes it even more important to me to have quality time with them while they are here. Nick and I decided a long time ago that when the big kids are home, they come first. My friends are used to it by now and will just ask which weekends we have them before throwing out dates to get together. I love them for this. Of course things come up, but since the bigs are away every other weekend we try to only get a sitter when it’s just Hayes. The other weekends are dedicated to the 5 of us being together. It works for us.

Comparison is also a hard one for me. You see the moms who seem to have it all together with perfectly behaved children who actually eat vegetables and you think what is she doing that I’m not…because I’m tired, my house is a mess and I haven’t washed my hair in a week. Comparison is a b*tch. As my children have gotten older my focus has moved from keeping them alive (food, sleep schedules, tantrums) to making sure they grow up to be good people. Yikes. Talk about a BIG weight on your shoulders. Through it all I rely on my faith, my husband and my friends. Let’s face it, we are all just doing the best we can in this thing called motherhood.

Here is my whole world.

PW: I started motherhood a bit earlier than most of my friends. I’m an action taker and a go-getter and I love to experience new things and jump in with a strong to quite strong cannonball form. I got married at 22 after getting engaged my senior year of college. By 24 we discussed trying for a baby, add about 30 days to that and I was pregnant with my first daughter, Blake! She was born in July, 6 months after I turned 25, and she was a very very VERY difficult baby and child. Being one of the first of my friends to have a baby, my resources were basically the last couple of pages of What to Expect When You’re Expecting where it briefly talks about after the baby is actually here and some occasional groggy google searches (I remember googling “can you die from sleep depravation?” and I was dead serious). She is the only child I went into labor naturally with, had an easy vaginal delivery after a hideous beginning part of labor and all in all it was far easier than I expected. I had honestly had worse dental appointments (I’m looking at you zoom whitening). I had spent so much time preparing for and learning about the pregnancy and breastfeeding, that I wasn’t really up to speed on the actual ridiculousness that comes after you get the baby out of that nice warm belly. The first night in the hospital was great! She was alert and not a frantic screamer yet. The sleep deprivation crept in quickly and by the second night in the hospital we were in a living hell. Blake was screaming non stop, my nipples were screaming non stop, my body felt that it had been beaten by a champion MMA fighter, my bangs were in a spiky ponytail for some unknown reason, Zach and I were frustrated and cussing at each other, the nurses couldn’t calm Blake and I was ready to run away and never come back. What. Have. I. Signed. Up. For. Being in the hospital is not my favorite, so I was just looking forward to getting to my own bed and dealing with this screaming infant in my own house. It was the most world-rocking difficult experience of my life. If it were not for Lexapro, I think I would have sobbed all day and never left my house. Zach was such a saint, y’all, find yourself a man like Zach. He loves me, like loooooooves me, at my best and at my worst. He thinks I am the hottest, funniest, most successful, best mom, best body, coolest chick ever, and he lets me know! I love how much he adores me and I don’t know how we would have made it through those early times if he was a butt head. He would take such good care of Blake and I, he saw how hard it was and when I wanted to give up nursing every day for weeks, he gently reminded me how this was one of my main goals and to keep pushing forward. Blake’s infancy would be nothing compared to what we would experience with her in the following years. I knew she was different starting around 4 months, but really started noticing it around 1 year old. By 4 months, if I left, she was a raging hysterical lunatic until I returned. I felt so bad for my mom having to keep her when I had stuff to do. By 1 year old, she was terrified of people and sensitive to sounds, light, and emotionally intense. It just continued to get worse, so bad that she couldn’t be in public without being in paralyzing fear, shaking and screaming “they are going to get me!!!!” I dreaded going in public with her and always tried to make up excuses for why we couldn’t do playdates with my friends and their normal developing kids. The stress and anxiety of life was so high, friends and relatives didn’t understand her or her situation and it was hard to explain. “Sorry everyone who loves Blake and wants to spend time with her, she doesn’t like anyone!” hahaha! But for real, she didn’t like anyone except me, Zach, my mom and usually my brother, Uncle Cal. At 2 years old I took her to the pediatrician to discuss her anxiety and what I assumed to be sensory processing disorder and the options were to try medication or try play therapy. I wasn’t desperate enough to try medication yet, so we tried play therapy. Even at that pedi appointment, she was so scared of the doctor that she flipped out. No one could touch her without a melt down. I knew play therapy wasn’t going to work since she had a fear of people, so I found Dr. Jenny Dougherty with New Leaf Clinic through a mutual friend who had a filial therapy program. Filial therapy is a kind of play therapy designed to treat emotional difficulties, but instead of being given by a therapist, the parent does the play therapy. Each week, I would drive out to Dallas and meet with Dr. Dougherty and she would coach me on giving the therapy and watch the video of the previous week’s session with Blake. Her conclusion from assessing the videos was that Blake didn’t have any aggressive tendencies or really anything of major concern. I was glad to hear that and glad to have been able to do the play therapy with Blake, but it really didn’t get us to a better situation. The information she gave me was amazing and shaped my parenting, but we still would need mucho help in the future. Adding a sibling in, when Blake was 21 months was also a huge problem. She was terrified of Kylie for about 6 months. Every sound she would make would send Blake into a panic attack, she was stressed about Kylie nursing (she called it kissing), it was just too much too soon for my little sensitive one. I remember the first time they really interacted and enjoyed each other vividly. I was sitting on the bed at my parent’s house in an upstairs bedroom and the girl’s were laughing and smiling at each other, I couldn’t believe my eyes! A couple more year’s passed, Blake had started school and was doing ok! She was getting a little less anxious and although she melted down frequently, it was tolerable. By the time she turned 5 and was in her red shirted pre k year, we took her back to the pediatrician and told him about her anxiety, lack of awareness, possible attention problems and overly intensified emotions. He referred us to a diagnostician who was the biggest God send! I got an appointment as soon as I could, knowledge is power, and I was ready to tackle this head on! Diagnostic testing at 5 is pretty young, but it was still very telling! At that time she tested as average intelligence, she was observed as being in her own world and internally distracted, she had motor tremors when she wrote and her overall demeanor was sweet, cooperative and intense. She had us fill out an autism screening questionnaire and Blake didn’t have many of those characteristics, aside from problems with food, so we were able to rule that one out. She ended up not getting a diagnosis of any kind at the first appointment, but the diagnostician recommended occupational therapy to address fine motor skills and sensory issues. We were referred to speech and language therapy to work on social interactions and pragmatics and she recommended a psychiatrist to address her intense moods. The bad news was that I knew we had a big uphill battle ahead of us, the good news was that we at least had a plan of attack! Occupational therapy went not so well, she could barely focus long enough to do any of the tasks they were working on with her and it was honestly painful and frustrating for me to watch. I just felt so sad for her. The visit to the psychiatrist, however, was life changing. He took the test scores and detailed report from the diagnostician and formulated a plan to attack her anxiety. As much as I didn’t want to medicate my child, it was time. He put her on a minuscule amount of a liquid anti anxiety medication and literally overnight she was a new kid. I get chills thinking about it. I have learned to keep an open mind and heart and what’s best for my child may not necessarily be the path I had wanted or expected. We attended a birthday party a couple of days after she started the medication and she was able to participate, not have a panic attack that other people were there and actually got in a bounce house! The stress that went along with being a mom of a child like this was a lot to carry, wanting to protect her and help her to mature and learn to cope was a full time job. I read so many books and felt like a semi expert on her struggles. The medication was helping tremendously, so much so that most of her sensory processing issues had vanished and she got into All Saints for kindergarten, a fabulous private school in Fort Worth. Her first semester was kind of a disaster, I would get calls from the teacher almost every day and would start to tear up in the car line as I ooched up to pick her up wondering what the report would be that day. The first day of school I got the call that Blake had gone missing, she left the group at lunch and wandered around trying to find her 5th grade buddy that she was paired with. She didn’t have a concept of following directions or what was or wasn’t appropriate. She would never try and be defiant, just honestly didn’t catch on to normal social behaviors. It didn’t come naturally to her. Her grades were ok, and although I knew she was a brilliant mind, I would secretly compare her work to other kid’s work hanging in the hallway and wonder if she was really getting it. The teacher and head of the lower school called me in for a meeting a few months before school was over. They suggested that I take Blake in for another diagnostic test and see if we could get some updated information. We already had to scrape the money together to even pay for the tuition and now we had to add a very expensive tutor that pulled her out of class once or twice a week. We were trying to stay positive, but it was a very defeating time. Being the fast mover that I am, I made the diagnostic appointment with the same doctor we had used before and was able to get in fairly quick. This time she was 6 and a half years old and we got an actual diagnosis for the first time: ADHD, Dyslexia, Dysgraphia, spelling learning disorder and processing speed disorder. She tested in the above average intelligence range and we were told she was delightful! Dr. Claridge (the diagnostician) told us she was a child that she didn’t even want to give the test to because she was so interesting and funny to talk to. This is something we have heard more times than I can count. During the self evaluation portion, she answered it very truthfully and she seemed to understand her struggles, she did list her main strength or skill as catching frogs. Dr. Claridge suggested we re-evalute in two years and to enroll in a school for children with learning disabilities. This was a hard thing to hear, but the very next day I set up meetings with 3 LD schools in Fort Worth and started the process of finding one that would work best for Blake. After an emotionally draining and very discouraging process of elimination, we found Key School which would be an answer to years of prayer. They were the only school that acted like they wanted us to be there, they were so encouraging and Blake did a 3 day trial and we never looked back. All Saints was shocked that we made the decision to pull her that quickly, but there was no sense in delaying the inevitable. She hugged her friends and teacher goodbye and off we went to start a new chapter. There was only about 2 months left of school and Blake needed so much help getting up to speed, that she required a teacher just for her. After they got her confidence up, she soared with the verbal and reading and I knew we had found her home. They way they understood her and appreciated her hilarious personality was so refreshing! She has since had one more diagnostic test and the current diagnosis is: ADHD, dyslexia, dysgraphia and dyscalculia with a superior IQ (she was 2 points away from qualifying for MENSA!!!) Her social skills are great now, she reads WAY above level, we have finally found an ADHD medication that helps tremendously and she is improving in every area all the time! The biggest struggles now are being extremely unorganized, time management, handwriting and the math learning disorder, dyscalculia, is a real doozy! Homework looks a lot like a torture chamber at the Walker house. She is in 5th grade and thanks to early intervention, her psychiatrist, diagnosticians and the absolutely fantastic staff at Key School, she is so successful and I could not be prouder of how she has overcome and embraced her differences. If you know her, you get it. She and I were perfectly placed together by God and I have no doubt that I was made to be her mother. I understand her better than anyone and she thanked me for that through happy tears the other day. How is that for motherhood struggles? I didn’t even get into the normal struggles with Kylie, Aven and Griffin haha! That is plenty for now! But y’all it ain’t easy, it ain’t cheap and you never know what you are going to get. If you are struggling with a child with learning or developmental differences or just don’t know where to start please email or message me! I love helping other families out and have learned bookoos along the way!

What made you two decide to start a blog together

JM: Paige. Ha. She can be very convincing. She had been talking about starting a blog and was trying to encourage me to start my own blog as well. We were talking on the phone one morning and the concept of us just doing it together came up. Within a few hours we had a name and a website…the girl moves fast. But really I am so grateful that she pushed me along. It’s scary putting yourself out there and if it wasn’t for her I don’t think I would have done it, but I am so glad I did.

PW: I was talking to an uber driver on the way to the airport. Lauren, my manager, and I were flying out to do a photography job in West Texas. I got to talking about business and he suggested I look into blogging and social media influencer stuff. I started researching and knew I wanted to give it a go. I got a domain, host, graphic designer, logo, site all done, social media accounts and was ready to go LIVE with this new fun chapter. (It was going to be Paige Walker Style). I was talking to Jeni and she had been thinking about doing a blog too, but was a little more hesitant to jump in like her dear pal, Paige. I was urging her and encouraging her to get on board and then the conversation took an unexpected turn. We started talking about doing this together! I had never had a business partner, but knew if I could partner with anyone, Jeni would be a perfect match. We were both building houses, both had similar, yet unique styles, both were not too concerned about putting out a “perfect” image online and Style Duplicated was born! I got another domain, another blog designed, another logo etc. and it was happening so fast that Jeni didn’t have a chance to change her mind. At first I could tell she was super uncomfortable, but it wasn’t long before she was saying, “thank you for pushing me to do this!” We are now having the BEST time connecting with people, writing about the things we know and that interest us and documenting our lives and adventures on social media. Thank YOU Jeni for trusting me and letting me drag you along. I wouldn’t want to be doing this with anyone else!

What are your best tips for dealing with anxiety

JM: Anxiety. It’s the worst isn’t it?! My husband has zero anxiety and tries to understand what I go through but unless you suffer from it you just don’t get it. I’ve struggled since I was child. I can remember being so scared every time my mom would leave for work because I was afraid she was going to get into a car accident. I also had a huge fear of being kidnapped and never, ever told my parents. I just shoved it down and dealt with it on my own. I wish I would’ve talked about it…I’ve learned as an adult that putting a voice to your fears helps. I got on Lexapro after my divorce. I stayed on it for about a year but had some crazy side effects and decided to quit cold turkey. I thought I was ok until about 8 months ago. I asked a couple of people who I value their opinions if they thought I should talk to my Dr. about my anxiety. They were like YES!! PLEASE!!! Ha. I guess I wasn’t fooling anyone. I am now on the lowest dose of Zoloft and I feel like a new person. I mean I had anxiety about being on anxiety meds. THAT should’ve been my first clue. Now, I feel like it is controlled but I don’t feel numb or medicated. I’m just able to talk myself down from my anxious thoughts where I could’t do that as well before. Prayer is another big one for me. A lot of my anxiety used to center around something happening to my children. Once I let go of that control and gave it to God, that was huge for me. I’m not saying I don’t have to give it to Him over and over again, I do!!!

PW: I have struggled with anxiety since childhood. It finally got to a point where I needed to seek medical help in my early 20s. I was on Lexapro for years and had great results until I started getting some weird heart palpitation side effect. I switched over to Zoloft and have been very happy with it! Staying busy helps me and with two businesses and 4 kids that is a non issue. Exercise is great for my mental state as much as I hate the thought of getting ready and doing it, I feel better after. Keeping a grateful and prayerful mindset throughout the day is so good for me. Recently, Jeni and I have started taking CBD oil as an extra measure to help our anxiety as well as other health benefits and we can’t wait to share our results! My anxiety is very controlled now and I see a psychiatrist twice a year to check in on my anxiety and ADHD.

How do you organize your closets? Would love a closet tour!

JM: I LOVE organizing. It’s therapeutic for me. Right now we are living at my dad’s house until our home is finished being built. Basically everything we own is in storage units so I’ve been living out of boxes for about a year. Im so unorganized over here and its driving me crazy. Crazy!!! I am so looking forward to the day when I can give a closet tour and share organizational ideas with you all.

PW: I hope you saw my extremely high end and glorious closet on instastories. If not, I will try and find it and post it on here. As I said before, I have ADHD, I am unorganized, scatterbrained creative type. I would love to get more organized, but I am realistic enough to know that I probably would need to hire some organizational guru to get me there. My new house will have a really nice closet. It won’t have fancy shelves and cabinets, but we will add that in later.

Do your husbands give you shiz for the $ y’all spend? Mine tries to but I say girrlbye...

JM: Nick rarely says anything about my purchases but I am usually very conscience of what I spend. I’m actually pretty thrifty in my everyday life. He says I make up for it when I splurge though. Golden Goose are not in the budget. If I’m eyeing a bag or shoes that I really want I’ll save up for it. Otherwise, I love a good deal.

PW: Zach doesn’t say much of anything because I work my arse off and have plenty of extra money. There was a time that the majority of my earnings went to bills and life, but the more established we get in our careers, the more fun money we have. That being said, I don’t just buy every designer item that I am wanting. We don’t have THAT kind of extra money, but if I am really wanting to add an investment piece to my wardrobe, I cut back in other areas or save up for a bit until I can purchase it. Most of my clothes are not very pricey. I have a few designer shoes, Jimmy Choo wedges were my gateway into the designer shoe world a few years ago. I have a handful of nice bags, and 2 designer belts. I’m a big fan of splurging on accessories that I know I will wear again and again and wearing very affordable clothing.

How do you handle Judgey McJudgersons when you share things on the blog/insta?

JM: Not going to lie, that’s a tough one for me. I am an open book by nature and when you are putting yourself out there it is bound to happen. We are writing about things like clothes and botox….that can come off pretty shallow. I try to remind myself that when/if someone is judging us its because they have a very limited perspective of who we really are. That doesn’t make it hurt any less but hopefully as people continue to get to know us they will see that there is much more to us than sweaters sales and laser hair removal. By the way, the majority of people have been so supportive and lovely.

PW: I’m a people pleaser, I want to win over everyone and be friends with everyone. I love people! I love meeting new people, getting to know what makes people tick, getting to know their story. When others cringe walking into a room of strangers, I eat it up! I have gathered new best friends throughout every stage of life and I don’t ever see that stopping. Thankfully, we have only gotten a handful of non positive comments/DMs, and they weren’t even that mean. The thing with that is people only see a tiny snippet of our lives, even though we share a ton, the blog was set up to be about fashion, interiors and cosmetic maintenance. Since that is what the blog is about, that is what we tend to talk about and show. I can see how that may come across making us look shallow, my hope is that the more you get to know us through this blog, social media, messaging, whatever, the more you will realize who we are and that we are certainly not out there to offend, make enemies or ruffle feathers. If it was a mom blog, we would write about mostly mom things, if it was a business blog, we would write about business, if it was a food blog, we would write about food, but it’s a lifestyle fashion/interiors/cosmetic procedures blog so, yeah. It’s kind of hard to imagine someone getting irritated by us doing exactly what is says we will be doing at the top of the blog and our instagram, but you can’t really care if you are going to put yourself out there or you would go nuts! Every day we get the most uplifting and encouraging DMs, I’m blown away by the response and feel so fortunate to be connecting with other women, but the occasional creepy man, not so much. Seriously, if you slide up in our DMs and try to holla at us 6 times with no response, you may want to move on to a single lady blogger, our husbands are bad ass and we aren’t interested in your advances. Kthanksbye.