Survey Says…Starbucks edition

Starbucks ordering anxiety, it’s a thing, bordering on a disorder. You get to the front of the line and are overwhelmed and undecided. You blank. What do I even like? Should I order the same old thing? Why am I here? Who am I?

“Welcome to Starbucks, what can I get for you today?”

Silence.

I’m nervy.

Ummmmmm, I’ll have a tall chai tea latte.

Every time. I mean, I like the chai tea latte. However, there has got to be some other wonderful menu items I am missing out on due to my ordering inadequacy and lack of coffee smarts.

Why is it that Starbucks seems so intimidating? It’s like there’s a secret language that I will never be fluent in. If you are like me and just don’t have the Starbucks lingo down and would most definitely fail at barista school, this is for you.

We polled the audience, which is you, and y’all always come through. This new series, Survey Says, is the place where we will share all of your recommendations and a couple of our own as well.

Take some notes, take a screen shot, and definitely take away a little Starbuckese language skills from our resident experts.

Hot Starbucks Drink Recommendations

Salted Caramel Mocha: Mocha, toffeenut, coffe, steamed milk, whipped cream, caramel drizzle and a sugar and sea salt blend.

Flat White: No, not Jeni in the early college years. It’s kind of like a latte. Claims to be the perfect ratio of espresso to milk, coconut milk was also recommended. Someone said to add one pump of flavor if you are feeling fancy. I like to add at the very least one pump of flavor to every single area of my life. Pump, up the jam.

JM: Bahahaha good one PW! This is actually my drink of choice, with coconut milk and has fewer calories than a typical latte.

Almondmilk Honey Flat White: This one is also flat and also white (except for that it isn’t really either based on the photo) but made with almondmilk, blonde espresso and honey.

Chai Tea Latte: This is my go to and has been for years. It’s really good! Black tea, cinnamon, clove and steamed milk. Kind of spicy, reminds me of fall. Make it a dirty chai tea latte and they will add two shots of espresso for my tired homies out there. Love the chai flavor? Order a no water chai and they leave out the water and you get a non diluted full strength drinky drink.

Americano: Espresso shots and hot water. To you who recommended this, you must be hard core and to be honest, you scare me a little if you drink this black. Someone did say, Americano with room, which means they don’t fill it all the way up to the top of the cup, leaving room for cream. Another reader recommended this decaf with light cream and half a Splenda. So very precise!

Caramel Apple Spice: Steamed apple juice, cinnamon syrup, whipped cream and caramel drizzle. Ok someone bring me one of these to try and we will take a hay ride.

Pumpkin Spice Latte: Oh yes, the classic PSL. The basic b drink that memes are made of. Espresso, steamed milk, pumpkin and other fall spices, whipped cream. Put on your leggings, uggs and scarves, throw your hair in a messy bun and you shouldn’t even have to tell the barista your order. They will just know. Order a Blonde Pumpkin Spice Latte if you prefer a lighter coffee flavor.

What is the difference between Blonde and regular espresso?

Glad you asked. I didn’t know either. It’s a lighter roast espresso that doesn’t have any less caffeine. The blonde is a less bold taste for those that aren’t crazy about that strong coffee flavor. It’s also the first new espresso added to the menu in over 40 years.

Grande Blonde: Me (Paige) at 25 years old after my 60 pound weight gain with my first pregnancy. Since I made a dig at Jeni with the flat white, I have to make fun of myself too. Grand-ay Blond-ay I was.

Skinny Vanilla Latte: Espresso, nonfat steamed milk, sugar free vanilla syrup.

Cinnamon Dolce Latte: Espresso, steamed milk, cinnamon dolce flavored syrup, whipped cream, cinnamon dolce sprinkles. Make it skinny for nonfat milk and sugar free syrup.

Pike Place: a blend of coffees that looks strong AF. The reader that recommended this drinks it black, you also scare me and make me feel like a weenie.

Mocha Latte: Espresso, mocha sauce, steamed milk, whipped cream.

Caramel Macchiato: Steamed milk, vanilla syrup, espresso and caramel drizzle.

Medicine Ball: Quite a few of you spoke of this ball. Jade Citrus Mint green tea, Peach herbal tea, hot water, steamed lemonade, honey. I’m equal parts intrigued and unsure.

Matcha Green Tea Latte: Matcha and steamed milk. Make sure you have tried and actually like matcha before committing to this sweet almost vegetable like taste. Probably an acquired taste that I am way too unsophisticated to have acquired yet.

Toffee Nut Latte: Buttery toffee nut syrup, espresso, steamed milk, whipped cream, toffee nut sprinkles.

Caffè Misto: One to one coffee and steamed milk. The reader suggested heavy cream. I like this idea.

Oat Latte: Espresso and a steamed oat beverage. Oat beverage? ok.

White Chocolate Mocha: Espresso, white chocolate sauce, steamed milk, whipped cream. Gimme. If it’s too sweet, cut the 4 pumps they normally put in and ask for 2 pumps. This is one instance I can stand behind a two pump chump. If you like the white mocha idea, but not quite so sweet, order a coffee with one pump of white chocolate mocha and add half and half.

Peppermint Mocha Latte: Created in 2002, this drink is as holly and jolly as they come. Espresso, mocha sauce, peppermint syrup (again, request 2 pumps if the peppermint seems a bit much or you are straight scroogin’) whipped cream and chocolate curls.

Hot Chocolate: Heck yes girl!

Cold Starbucks Drink Recommendations

Iced Green Tea: The standard is 4 pumps of liquid cane sugar, but it’s great unsweetened or half sweet with only 2 pumps.

Mango Dragonfruit Refresher: Griffin has ordered the Dragon Drink version and it’s the refresher shaken with coconut milk. We all tried to steal it and we all got shut down. The Mango Dragonfruit Lemonade was also on the readers must try list.

Passionfruit Iced Tea: Hibiscus, lemongrass and apple tea. Add lemonade and a scoop of strawberries for extra zsoojz. Say that out loud and I think you will pick up what I’m trying to put down here.

Strawberry Açaí Refresher: Strawberry, passion fruit, açaí and caffeinated with green coffee extract. Remember when the “pink drink” was all the rage? Add coconut milk to this and there you have it. Take a picture with it looking all cute and stuff and post it on the ‘gram and stuff.

Iced Peach Green Tea Lemonade: This is my I-don’t-know-what-to-order-anxiety cold drink. I order it half sweet, pump pump.

Very Berry Hibiscus Refresher: Fruit juice and whole blackberries, green coffee extract for that caffeine boost. Also can be ordered with lemonade and if you add coconut milk, it’s called a Violet Drink.

Mocha Cookie Crumble Frappuccino: Only one of you admitted that a Frappuccino was your favorite thing to order. I call BS! This looks amazing, coffee, mocha sauce, Frappuccino chips (WTH is that?! I’ll tell you. Just chocolate chips used in coffee.) blended up with milk and ice, whipped cream, mocha drizzle and chocolate cookie crumble. My kids order these and I sneak many a sip. Probably 40% gets consumed by me.

Cold Brew: Nitrogen infused and naturally sweet they say.

Cold brew with sweet cream is not too sweet and fairly low calorie. Also recommended from the Cold Brew family of fun is-

Cold Brew with Dark Cocoa Almondmilk Foam and a pump of mocha.

Salted Caramel Cream Cold Brew with two pumps of caramel syrup.

Pumpkin Cream Cold Brew.

Cold brew with cream and one pump of sugar free vanilla syrup.

Vanilla Sweet Cream Cold Brew.

Ok basically all the Cold Brews are beloved and worth a shot!

Iced Americano: Espresso, water, ice. I’m certainly not going to pay my hard earned money for some dark black coffee over ice, but some of y’all love this stuff! Some like it blonde, some like it with a splash of cream.

Iced Coffee: Get heavy cream instead of milk and add a shot for more caffeine. Ask for a pump of sugar free vanilla syrup instead of the liquid sweetener.

Iced Dirty Chai: Chai tea latte, over ice with two shots of espresso. Try it with coconut milk or pumpkin cream cold foam.

Iced Caramel Macchiato: can be ordered skinny with sugar free syrup or with an extra shot of espresso.

Iced Peppermint Mocha: They have it all year, so no need to wait until the holidays! You may want to ask for one less pump of peppermint syrup. I don’t like the thought of it being so minty that its like a listerine and coffee mashup.

Now for the outliers, the very high maintenance and particular Starbucks customers. The once who know Starbuckese so well, I don’t know if I am irritated by them or aspire to be them. They go off menu, do their own thing and order with confidence.

Cafe Latte with 1 pump white mocha syrup and 1 pump toffeenut syrup. Iced or hot, as long as its a venti cafe latte white toffee mocha nut. Got it?

Triple Venti (you’ve already lost me, so I googled and found that it’s a Venti size with 3 espresso shots instead of the standard 2) sugar free vanilla coconut milk latte with 3 pumps of sugar free vanilla.

Triple Venti (here we go again) almond milk Pumpkin Spice Latte with 3 pumps of pumpkin spice syrup.

Pumpkin Spice Latte with ristretto shots (da fuq?!) almond milk and two pumps pumpkin spice syrup. Turns out Ristretto means “restricted” in Italian, the espresso shot is made with less hot water pushed through and you get a more concentrated espresso.

Grande Blonde iced latte, one pump vanilla and one pump toffee nut. Not too sweet.

Venti iced latte with 4 shots of 1/2 decaf and extra ice.

Iced coffee with pumpkin sauce instead of classic (classic is the liquid sweetener syrup that doesn’t add any additional flavor) and a little cream.

Iced grande in a venti (a grande amount of drink in a bigger venti cup) soy caramel macchiato upside down (the barista will make your drink in the reverse order, so in an upside down caramel macchiato would start with the caramel and end with the vanilla syrup) with extra ice.

Grande pumpkin cream cold brew in a venti cup with extra foam. Sounds like a frat party at Texas Tech with all those 30 packs of keystones. Likely the reason I still hate beer.

I just accidentally deleted someone’s response, but it had a half packet of agave in the order so I’m really mad at myself.

And the winner for easiest customer: Soy latte.

I’ll leave you with a few hacks.

Besides the normal Tall, Grande and Venti sizes, you can order a Short which is extra small or a Trenta which is extra large.

Don’t want a mouth burn for days? Order it kids temperature, it’s 15 degrees cooler than the standard.

Old School Iced Tea will get you a plain iced tea with no sweetener or extra water.

I like to order a Venti ice water every time I go. I drink so much more water when I have that cup and refill it all day.

Order light ice to get more drink for your dollar. Less ice, more space for the drink.

Bring your own cup, and save a whopping 10 cents, but think of it more like saving a planet. The personalized one would make a fun gift.

Froth your own milk at home with this bestselling inexpensive frother.

I don’t go to Starbucks all that often, I found these k cups that just might be close enough if, and only if, I also use the $14 milk frother.

Did we leave out your favorite drink? Let us know what else we should order in the comments!