We thought you’d never ask!

You guys are the best! Do either of you deal with anxiety? If so, what are your best tips?

Paige: First of all thank you!!! Secondly, yes! Thinking back over my life and even early into my childhood I was very anxious. Stressing every night trying to fall asleep thinking there were people trying to break into the house, assuming every car that drove by was a rapist kidnapper, crying entirely too easily and not being able to really handle my emotions. When I started teaching at 23, it was the most stressful environment I had been in. I loved the kids and I really enjoyed the actual teaching part, but so many other aspects of the job gave me such anxiety. I finally realized after googling around that I had generalized anxiety disorder and was happy to put a name with it instead of just feeling like I was an easily flustered weenie that could’t handle life. I made an appointment to see a regular doctor and had an anxiety attack in the waiting room about talking to him about anxiety attacks. I was sweating, having a hard time breathing, crying and had a rash that broke out all over my neck and chest. I made Zach go with me to the appointment because I was afraid I wouldn’t even be able to speak. I started bawling immediately and tried to tell him what was going on and Zach filled in the blanks. He suggested I start on a low dose of Lexapro. Having that RX in my hand was like I had a new chance at life. Just knowing that there was something that could pull me out of this awful place was the most peaceful feeling. I filled the RX immediately and was supposed to check back with him after trying 5mg for a few weeks. I kind of knew in the back of my mind that 5mg wasn’t going to do it for me, but followed the doctor’s orders. When I checked back in, I told him I was slightly better but would prefer a stronger amount of medication. He prescribed 10mg and I slowly became myself again. Honestly, just thinking back to that time right in this very moment, I am getting a tight chest and having to breathe more deeply. I stayed on Lexapro throughout the two years I taught and throughout my pregnancy with Blake. At that time in 2006, there wasn’t the warning label on the bottle that advises to exercise caution while taking during pregnancy and breastfeeding. I am ashamed to admit this, but I’m pretty sure Blake was born with withdrawal symptoms. I feel so sad about that I could cry. And maybe it wasn’t, and she was just very difficult from the second day of life, but after having gotten off Lexapro myself I know how rough it can be to get it out of your system. Please don’t judge me, my doctor said it would be ok, so I stayed on. It’s probably a blessing in disguise that I did, because I did not get post partum depression with her. She was so tough and I was 25 and we were broke because I had decided to stay home with her, and I know it could have been so bad if I didn’t have that drug helping level me out. When I got pregnant with Kylie, I hadn’t even had a period yet from nursing Blake. The very first egg down the shoot was fertilized and I realized I was pregnant after taking 10 ovulation tests day after day that all said I was ovulating. I was all, “this is not possible. I do not ovulate every day.” Google to the rescue again, apparently if you are already pregnant you can get a false positive on ovulation tests. I quit peeing on ovulation sticks, and peed on a pregnancy test and I was in fact pregnant! Zach grumbled that we didn’t have to try and I cheered that we didn’t have to try. After my first trip to the doctor to confirm how far along I was, (it was 5 weeks, I was desperately hoping I was one of those people that didn’t know they were pregnant until like 15 weeks, but no) he told me that I needed to wean off of Lexapro. This was my first time getting off of it, I stepped down slowly and had some minor headaches and some weird feelings of jitters and then I was back to my non medicated self. I don’t know if it was the hormones of pregnancy or what, but I wasn’t struggling with any generalized anxiety disorder symptoms. Kylie was born May 13 of 2009 and was the most amazing baby. I had read so many parenting books trying to deal with Blake, that I was so much more knowledgeable and I put Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child into play right away. She was a great sleeper, the happiest cooing little sweetie, loved to nurse, just the best baby ever. What a difference that makes! Things were going so well, I was thrilled to be a stay at home mom of 2 and although the first time I stayed at home with them alone, I was insanely nervous, I got the hang of it really quickly! Blake was 21 months old when Kylie was born and was getting more and more tricky. I wondered what was wrong with her and why she was the way she was and did tons of prayer and reading to try and learn as much as I could about children with differences. When Kylie was 4 months old, I was really into learning the Bible for one of the fist times in my life. I actually cared to learn more about this book that I always said I believed in but didn’t truly know. Most days I had a workbook out and three versions of the Bible so I could study. I couldn’t help but start feeling myself getting into a dark dark place. I felt that the devil was trying to bring me down and was waging hard core spiritual warfare on my attempt to grow my faith. I kept thinking, I will pray this away, I would repeat Romans 8:31 “If God is for us, who can be against us?” and Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.” This time in my life is a big part of my testimony because it wasn’t too much longer into my spiraling darkness that I believe 100% the Lord spoke to me. Like spoke actual words into my mind. He said the words gently and matter of fact, “post partum depression.” I received this clear as can be and it’s like a light bulb went off in my head. To quote my homie Drake, “I can’t do this on my own. Someone’s watching this sh*t close.” I felt like God was giving me the knowledge to know what I was experiencing and to know that you can’t always just “pray through” a medical issue. I am open as open can be, and for some reason did not tell my husband, mom or friends that I was silently struggling. I was being eaten alive by thoughts of death and doom and gloom. I thought about every possible way my kids and I would die and even went so far to mentally plan their funerals. I could not get my mind off of death thoughts. Even something so simple as seeing a fork on the floor would send me down a weird thought process of someone tripping on it and getting stabbed and dying. I didn’t want to leave my house much, but I was really good at faking ok. One night after I had received my “post partum depression” message, I started breaking down crying and yelling, “I’m not ok, I’m not OOOOOOKKKKK!” My brother was there, also probably a God thing, he has struggled with anxiety and sponsored so many addicts and alcoholics through AA and knows how to deal with people in the lowest of lows. He had me do some exercises to help ease my panic attack. I don’t remember exactly what it was, but it had something to do with making a list of my worst fears and what was the worst that could happen, or something like that. He talked me off the ledge and I knew in that moment that I needed to reach out for help. It’s like it all came together and I finally was able to see what was wrong with me. I called the doctor the minute they opened the next day. I cried on the phone and with a weird shaky crying alien voice, I told the nurse that I needed help. I was having really bad post partum anxiety and obsessively thinking about death. She asked me if I have had thoughts of harming my children and I said no. Thank goodness since I had been on Lexapro and struggled in the past, they prescribed me my same old meds and I felt a small sense of relief knowing if was almost over. About a week into taking Lexapro, my Post Partum Anxiety symptoms vanished. No longer was I highly irritable and having irrational thoughts, I remember being back to my normal happy self and thinking “WTH was that?!?!?!?!” When you can see clearly and you are on the other side of your mental health problems, you can realize how much you truly needed help and how bad it had gotten. The best part about this, there is help and no one has to suffer! It does not mean you are weak or weird, it just means your brain was having a chemical or hormonal imbalance and it was causing the anxiety symptoms. I have since been on Lexapro aside from my pregnancy with Aven, where I got back on the day I had her to avoid another post partum nightmare. I wasn’t willing to even take that chance since I was prone to it. Also, since it didn’t hit until Kylie was 3 or 4 months, I just couldn’t chance it. I had three kids to take care of now and they needed a happy healthy non irritable mommy! Before I got pregnant with Griffin, I had started having heart palpitations and it turned out it was a side effect of Lexapro. My OB/GYN switched me to Zoloft and I have had nothing but perfectly wonderful results. I did have a little bit of a hard time adjusting and had some upset stomach and loss of appetite the first month I took it. I got off of Zoloft when I found out I was pregnant with Griffin and after he was born, I had to call the doctor about a week after I had him to let them know I was starting to have the anxiety symptoms pretty bad again. I had to go in and see the doctor and of course, I cried when explaining to him what I was feeling. He was so sweet and got me back on Zoloft and told me how thankful he was that I reached out and how much it would help me. I have since started going to a psychiatrist because I figure I would rather have a vagina doctor dealing with my vagina and a mental health doctor dealing with my mental health. My psychiatrist was able to diagnose me with ADHD which I have also struggled with and PMDD, basically PMS on steroids and he has me taken an extra half dose of Zoloft 10 days before I start. This has really helped me to not lose my mind and get so irritable around my period. My best tips on dealing with anxiety is recognizing and admitting it, seeking professional help, taking medication, prayer and exercise. Hopefully you wanted my entire mental health history and if you made it this far, thank you for caring lol!!

Jeni: Well what a sweet compliment! Thank you!! Ugh anxiety….a constant struggle throughout my life. Paige and I were very similar as children. I was terrified of things happening to me or my parents as a child and never told anyone about it. I definitely think anxiety can be genetic because I come from a loooong line of worriers. I went through most of my teenage and early adult life with not a care in the world. Happy go lucky, I thought my worrying days were behind me. Fast forward to divorced, single mom of two small kids, Jeni. That was a dark place. I was having a really hard time with admitting that I needed more than just my willpower to get me through it. I’ve shared before that I can be a bit of a hippie. At this point in my life I was very anti- medication. I thought I should be able to pray through my situation but at the end of the day, I just couldn’t. I ended up in the ER while having a panic attack and I knew I needed something more… that made me feel weak and ashamed. I called my doctor with the shaky alien voice as well and we agreed that a very low dose of Lexapro could be beneficial. After about two weeks I felt the fog lift and I was able to think so much more clearly. Also, similar to Paige, I had the constant death thoughts…it was an evil spiral that I couldn’t stop from going down. Even something as simple as loading my kids in the car would make the think OK, we are probably going to get hit by an eighteen wheeler…the thoughts got much worse from there. I am now ashamed that I ever thought that needing medicine is something to feel guilty about. How ridiculous of me. I quit my meds cold turkey when Nick and I started dating, I still dealt with the occasional crazy thoughts or moodiness but I was managing it on my own. While pregnant with Hayes I had one of the scariest panic attacks of my life while in a bath. Nick literally had to hold me and talk me down. I felt the anxiety creeping back in but I wasn’t ready to admit it. A year ago Paige tried to tell me she thought I needed some help again but I refused to listen to her. Ha. I felt so tightly wound and angry on the inside but I thought I was hiding it on the out. I guess not. I talked to my aunt and she said honey, I really think you’d benefit from some help. I called my Dr. that day. I now take the lowest dose of Zoloft and it is magical. I feel like my early 20s self again. I can talk myself down from the doom and gloom and PMS is WAY better for everyone. There is no shame in needing help, and if you have anxiety about anxiety medicine that may be your biggest clue that you should talk to someone, ha.

Do you think you will have any more kiddos?

Paige: No. No. NO. NOOOO. That is one no for each kid I already have. Zach got a vasectomy, so unless I get a trophy boyfriend and become his cougar sugar mama, hell to the no. I also spent way too much money and went through way too much suffering to mess up my repaired diastasis recti and nice flat tummy renovation. I felt like I was pregnant or nursing from 24-35 and I am ready to just enjoy these kids as they grow and not use my body for any more creation or feeding of tiny humans.

Jeni: Done and DONE. My children are my WORLD and giving birth is like some type of drug to me…I’d seriously go the hospital right now to experience that type of high but Nick got snippety snipped because I have the WORST pregnancies ever. I was diagnosed with Hyperemesis gravidarium durning pregnancies 2, 3 (which ended in miscarriage) and 4 (Hayes). Think home health nurses, PICC lines, an IV pole that I have to drag around with me for weeks upon weeks and my head in a toilet 20 of the 24 hours of the day…it’s not pretty but my babies were all worth it. I’d like to never, ever go through that again and just be around to love on the babies that I was blessed with.

What tinted moisturizer to you use?

Paige: My favorite is Tarte and my second favorite which is a bit more coverage is YSL.

Jeni: I’m loving my new YSL, perfect amount of coverage without being heavy.

Let’s talk food/workouts. Y’all look so good.

Paige: I like to try and do intermittent fasting most days of the week. If I can’t make it work because of a dinner out or whatever, I don’t stress. On a typical day I don’t start eating anything until at least 9am and then have dinner no later than 6pm and eat nothing else until the next day at 9 or 10 am. Outside of my eating window, I only have water. I try and drink a ton of water and this water bottle helps me a lot! Usually for lunch, I have something really small like a string cheese and some wheat thins or a Chiobani flips yogurt. I don’t do any snacking and for dinner I make a Home Chef meal which we recently wrote a review on here! For exercise, I don’t do much. I really like Pilates and try to do that once a week, but sometimes go a few weeks in between. It all just depends on how busy I am with work and kids.

Jeni: At the risk of everyone hating me I’m going to be honest and tell you that my diet sucks and I don’t workout. I love all things sweet plus cheeseburgers, etc. It may catch up to me one day but for now I’ll just say thanks mom and dad. This doesn’t mean I don’t have areas that I’d like to improve. I’m skinny but I still have cellulite and could definitely tone up a bit, I just don’t care enough to put the time in at the gym.

How did you choose your kid’s names? What are your kid’s middle names?! Looking for name inspiration!!!

Paige: This is a combo question since we had two questions on kid names. My oldest is Blake Elizabeth. My husband’s middle name is Blake and my middle name (before I changed my middle name to my maiden name, Petersen) is Elizabeth. We stuck our two middle names together and there you have it! My second daughter’s name is Kylie Bryn. We just loved the cute spunky vibe of the name Kylie and my Grandmother’s name is Brenda, so we stuck in a little modern twist on that name for her middle, Bryn. My third daughter’s name is Aven Hartley. Aven I saw in an US weekly magazine and became obsessed and Hartley is my mom’s maiden name. Our son’s name is Griffin Zachary. Griffin we had loved since my first pregnancy and Zachary is my husband’s first name.

Jeni: My oldest son is Jackson Paul. I first heard and fell in love with the name Jackson waaaaay back when the movie Steel Magnolias came out. Paul was an easy choice, its my dads middle name, Jackson’s dad’s middle name and Jackson’s grandfathers first name. My daughters name is Presley Grace. We just liked the name Presley and Grace was also a family name and we loved the meaning behind it. Hayes Michael is our baby. He didn’t get named until the last day in the hospital. We kept the gender a surprise and had narrowed it down to a few boy and girl names. I was in love with the name Hayes but Nick was on the fence for a few days. The last day in the hospital he wrote me the sweetest note calling the baby “Hayes” and that was that. Michael is after my husband’s twin brother.

What are your favorite pair of shoes?

Paige: My favorite casual pair right now are these Golden Goose, and my favorite dressy pair are these Valentinos. I never splurged on shoes until the last few years and it’s pretty exciting to finally get to wear these brands!

Jeni: If we are going for comfort, these New Balance cannot be beat. If we are going for looks but you still want to be able to walk…I LOVE these block heel Valentinos.

Paige’s shop the post!

Jeni’s shop the post!